The Traditional Malay Wedding: A Guide for Guests and Couples
Invited to a majlis kahwin? What to wear, when to arrive, what to bring and what to expect at a traditional Malay wedding in Malaysia.
A Malay wedding reception, the majlis kahwin, is one of the warmest celebrations you can be invited to in Malaysia. It is colourful, generous and relaxed, and guests from every background are welcome. If it is your first one, this guide explains what to expect.
It is more of an open house than a seated dinner
Most receptions run for a few hours, often from late morning to late afternoon. Unlike a Western wedding, you do not need to arrive at the start or stay until the end. Guests come during the time shown on the invitation, greet the hosts, enjoy the food, congratulate the couple and head home. Staying for an hour is perfectly normal.
What to wear
- Dress modestly: covered shoulders and knees are a safe choice for everyone.
- Traditional outfits are very welcome: baju kurung, baju Melayu or batik.
- Some couples choose a colour theme; it will be mentioned on the invitation.
- If the reception is at the family home, you may be asked to remove your shoes at the door.
Greeting the hosts
When you arrive, the parents of the couple usually stand near the entrance to welcome guests. A gentle handshake is common between people of the same gender. Some guests prefer not to shake hands with the opposite gender, so a smile and a slight nod with your hand on your chest is always polite.
Gifts and the "salam kaut"
The most common gift is money in an envelope, discreetly passed to the host during the handshake as you leave. This is known as salam kaut. Many digital invitations now also show the couple's bank details or a DuitNow QR code for guests who cannot attend. Physical gifts are also fine, especially from close friends.
The food
Food is the heart of the majlis. Expect dishes such as nasi minyak (fragrant rice), ayam masak merah (chicken in a rich tomato and chilli gravy), beef or mutton curry, dalca and acar, followed by desserts and drinks. Food is often served buffet style, and it is customary to eat with your right hand, although cutlery is always available.
The bersanding
The highlight is the bersanding, when the couple, the "king and queen for a day", sit side by side on a decorated dais called the pelamin. The groom's arrival is often announced by a troupe of kompang drummers, and sometimes a silat martial arts performance. Close family members then bless the couple by sprinkling scented water and yellow rice. Guests usually take photos with the couple on the pelamin afterwards.
The door gift
As you leave, you will likely receive a small door gift. Traditionally it is a bunga telur, a decorated egg symbolising fertility, but today it can be anything from sweets to small keepsakes.
Before the reception: the other ceremonies
The reception is the final part of a longer journey. It usually follows the merisik (the first enquiry between families), the engagement, the akad nikah (the solemnisation, usually attended only by family and close friends) and the berinai (henna night). Some families also hold a second reception at the groom's side, called bertandang. For a detailed walkthrough in Malay, read Adat Perkahwinan Melayu: Dari Merisik Hingga Bertandang.
Please RSVP
Malay weddings often welcome hundreds or even thousands of guests, and the family plans the food around the numbers. If the invitation has an RSVP button, please reply by the closing date. It takes less than a minute and helps the hosts enormously.
For couples
Planning a majlis with friends from different backgrounds? Set your digital invitation's language to English so that dates, buttons and the RSVP form are in English, and share this guide with your guests. Create your invitation with Nikahwin.
